Sky above, earth beneath, setting sun, water deep, to me now your promises keep…
#Poetry #sky #sunset

Thanks World!

I’m really glad I worked so hard for many years to over come my agoraphobia so I could be raped (again) , ridiculed, and hated. This is sooo much better than being a recluse living in my own little world where I played in the rain and talked to the wind. I’m sooo glad I got in touch with all my old friends on fakebook, the ones who all sent me the friend requests, to discover that people all think that I think I’m demon possessed and they actually hate me. So apparently they don’t want to reconnect they just wanted to see my train wreck. It’s all good though I was just testing them to see if any of them were worthy of my time…really the jokes on them and soon they’ll all see. I don’t even believe in demon possession fucking derptards. Not to mention the reason I was agoraphobic was because I was misdiagnosed as bipolar and check into it antipsychotic meds will actually make you crazy if you take them but DON’T need them. I was never bipolar I’m a sex addict and a victim of sexual abuse. I went in cycles where I’d give into the addiction then hate myself for it, I was taught to hate myself. Nearly every female I’ve ever known has called me a fucking slut. Sorry if I can’t comprehend why you won’t have sex with your husband for 4 months because he pissed you off that shit makes no sense to me but why does that mean I’m crazy? Oh and by the way people who heard I was possessed or whatever I heard from that same individual that your all white supremacists just saying consider the source…

New toe ring old polish lol

I just can’t

My father confronts me today about my behavior, why I haven’t put more effort into finding a job, in his eyes I’m and I quote a lazy bum, how do I explain to this man that I’m trying, I’m trying to stop testing which is sharper this knife or this straight razor. I’m trying not to look at every man sizing him up and assessing if I could fight him off or would he quickly overpower me. How do you explain that you dyed your hair bright fucking red because even though you were a mousey brunette who dressed in huge clothes, never wore make up, and tried to go unnoticed by the world for some unknown fucking reason some guy still stalked and raped you. How do I explain that shit to my father? I just can’t look at him and tell him, I just can’t…I didn’t even report it to the police, I couldn’t believe it myself, why me? I’m fat and ugly and hide in shadows, why me? That’s why I’m out places with form fitting clothes and bright fucking red hair screaming look at me muther fuckers because hiding didn’t do me a damn bit of good I’m changing my tactics. I’m trying, I’m changing, I’ll never be the same…

Sometimes I just don’t understand…

I’ll never try to say I’m perfect, I’ll be the first to admit I’m wrong, I’ll genuinely apologize for my mistakes, I get pissed off sometimes and say the wrong things I’m human. I just don’t understand, I go out of my way to compliment and encourage people, I tell people how much I appreciate every kindness. I spend time in meditation trying to focus on love and try to express how much I adore the people in my life. But somehow I often come across as manipulative and arrogant. I was recently asked if I’m autistic I have no clue what that’s about I don’t know much about Autism so, I do know I was tested as a child around 2nd grade and my parents were told I read and comprehended on a 4th year college level, that’s what I was told by my parents who never compliment me but that’s not my point. I don’t understand why people can’t take a compliment or if someone likes something about them without thinking you have some other motives. My son told me recently he contacted someone online to just say I really like your band and the dude was a dick, like seriously I taught my kids to be kind to others but damn if we don’t keep getting kicked in the teeth. My life sucks its totally a fucking nightmare but I keep trying to focus on positive things and people keep kicking me while I’m down wtf? I’m seriously about to give up and disappear never to be heard from again.

My Focal Point…
Blessed Be…
~Beth~
#Love #candles #incense

I decided to commit to the red…But still can’t seem to commit to a man… #Selfie #woman #curvy #redhead #pale #darkeyes

I may not be beautiful but I still deserve to be somebody’s everything #woman #Selfie #redhead #curvy #selflove #selfrespect